Au Pair:  Anika Deichmann from Germany

Host Family:  Andree Little Family in Oregon

No one expected it would be so easy. Going back to work after spending a wonderful infancy with our daughter. Entering the demanding 4th grade at the German School. Boarding a plane for America and saying goodbye to her very close family. Welcoming a stranger into our family's private domain. Not only has the transition in our lives been easy, but after 5 months we are all thriving.

From the first phone call we knew Anika was someone special. In her application Anika said that she likes to take responsibility, is very patient, and doesn’t give something up when it seems difficult or unpleasant. She was being modest. 

Anika adapted quickly to our family and her new role. Within days of arrival, she observed daily routine, assessed Soren and Freya’s varied needs, and took on increasing responsibility in our family. Anika has the ability to see the big picture; she understands what needs to be done in the moment, but also anticipates and plans ahead. Without guidance or direction, she lends a hand precisely where it is most needed. At the same time, she feels comfortable enough to let me clean the kitchen and make her tea when a friend comes to visit. She easily adapts to the level of responsibility required in the moment, stepping up to hold Freya when I leave in the morning and stepping back when I take up my baby in my arms in the evening. Each day she guides Soren through a tough afternoon of homework, using just the right balance of help and encouragement and firmness. We never expected the level of maturity Anika regularly displays.

Patience. Anika described herself as very patient and said just the right thing in the phone interview when asked what she would do faced with an inconsolably crying baby. Yet any parent knows from personal experience that there are limits to one’s patience and children are usually pretty effective at bringing one to that limit. Freya provided me with tangible evidence of the depths of Anika’s patience. As I struggled one evening with an especially obstinate and inconsolable little girl, I eventually lost my patience and yelled. Freya looked at me with wide-eyed shock before her tiny chin started to quiver and she began to cry. Her response clearly indicated that no one had ever lost patience with her, certainly had never raised their voice at her. I was left with a lot of admiration for Anika. 

December was a difficult month for Anika. The winter rain arrived in earnest, casting a wet, gray pall, the Spanish and Yoga classes she attended came to a close, and Christmas loomed on the horizon, at once familiar and strange. Culture shock and homesickness arrived, unbidden and unanticipated. Few holidays are as laden with nostalgia, tradition and expectation as Christmas. My husband and I still struggle to blend the rituals of our childhoods. Spending one’s first Christmas away from one’s family is difficult enough. Trying to feel the spirit while immersed in a familiar, yet foreign tradition is really a challenge. Anika cheered herself by baking traditional Christmas cookies, singing along with Soren to German carols, and finding just the right gifts for her family and friends. Again Anika displayed maturity and resiliency, taking care of herself as well as she takes care of Soren and Freya. 

And then, on the day after Christmas, her grandfather died. Anika had helped her mother care for her grandfather and visited him regularly so he could continue to live peacefully at home. When Anika left Germany in August he was frail, still his death was unexpected and especially traumatic during the holidays. Anika grieved and talked regularly with her family. We researched travel insurance and flights home so Anika could be with her family and attend her grandfather’s funeral. 

Culture shock, homesickness and grief are a powerful combination of emotions and we prepared for the possibility that if Anika went home for the funeral she might not return. It was a decision that she and her family had to make. We would support her through her grief and in her choice. It is a testament to the strength of Anika’s character and the strength of her family’s support that she decided she would stay in Portland and not attend the funeral. She found a way through her grief to spend the next week snowboarding with us on Mt. Bachelor—because that is what her grandfather would have wanted her to do. Because she doesn't give up when something seems difficult or unpleasant.

No one expected it would be easy. Going back to work after so many tears. But through the grief and transition in our lives we are closer than ever. Together we are all thriving.